Top 10 Amazing Jokes Ever - Funniest

A three-year old walks over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in a doctor’s surgery.
“Why is your stomach so big?” – he asks.
“I´m having a baby.” – she replies.
“Is the baby in your stomach?” – he asks, with his big eyes.
“Yes, it is.” – she says.
“Is it a good baby?” – he asks, with a puzzled look.
“Oh, yes. A really good baby.” – the lady replies.
Shocked and surprised, he asks: “Then why did you eat him?”

A woman runs into a doctor’s office and says “DOCTOR! DOCTOR! You have to help me! Everywhere I touch on my body it hurts!”The doctor replied, “Show me.”So the woman poked her ankle and screamed of pain. Then she poked her knee and yelled OW. She poked her forehead and screamed again.She was about to continue when the doctor said, “That’s enough, let me think this over.” He thought for about a minute and said “I think I know what your problem is. You broke your finger.

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mail box.
She opened it, slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house and again went to the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”
To which she replied, “There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying, “YOU’VE GOT MAIL!”

A doctor wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant.“Seamus, I am going hunting tomorrow. I don’t want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of my patients.”“Yes, sir!” – answers Seamus.The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: “So, Seamus, how was your day?”Seamus told him that he took care of three patients.“The first one had a headache so I gave him Tylenol.”“Bravo, and the second one?” – asks the doctor.“The second one had stomach burning and I gave him Malox, sir.” – says Seamus.“Bravo, bravo! You’re good at this and what about the third one?” – asks the doctor.“Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opened and a woman entered. Like a flame, she undressed herself, taking off everything including her bra, her panties and lied down on the table. She spread her legs and shouted: “HELP ME! For five years I have not seen any man!”“Thunderin’ Lard Jayzus, Seamus, what did ye do?” – asks the doctor.“I put drops in her eyes.” !!!!!

Lady: Is this my train?Station Master: No, it belongs to the Railway Company.Lady: Don’t try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.Station Master: No Madam, I’m afraid it’s too heavy.

Kid: “Papa, are you growing taller all the time?”Father: “No, my child. Why do you ask?”Kid: “Because the top of your head is poking up through your hair.”

Wife: "How would you describe me?" 
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK." 
Wife: "What does that mean?" 
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot." 
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?" 
Husband: "I'm just kidding!" 

Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat buffalo give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" 
So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." 
The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." 
The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family." 

A husband, who has six children, begins to call his wife “mother of six” rather than by her first name.The wife, amused at first, chuckles. A few years down the road, the wife has grown tired of this. "Mother of six," he would say, "what’s for dinner tonight? Get me a beer!" She gets very frustrated. Finally, while attending a party with her husband, he jokingly yells out, "Mother of six, I think it's time to go!" The wife immediately shouts back, "I'll be right with you, father of four!"